Life?

it’s been three month oledi. start when this sem open, everyday hav to go to lec on myself. wat to do. all guys shif out except me, 1 leave um and go to citra oledi, 1 go for paktology, 1 owez dunno go wher. lolz.walk around 20 mins to go my fac by myself o wait bus by myself for 30 mins. eventually i’ve fall in love in this kind of lonely journey. do i stil hav to do so for the next 2and a half years? well who knows and who cares.. haha.. stil rmb the times during last year. 8 of us(coursemate) wil walk to atttend lec together. 20 mins will pass easily as the time is accompanied by laughter and chitchat-ing. but now i’m accompanied by the chuckling of the birds and noise from the car engines along the way to fac. but well, it giv me more time to hav a look at my surrounding. haha. the most funny part is eventough it jz left 7 of us onli, throughout the whole week class onli in a few lecs onli can c all of us attend eventough we all r taking the same subj this sem. @@

it’s sun today. so fast my holiday comes to it’s end tomoro. stil rmb wat happened last week clearly. shit. stil living in the past memories. cannot keep on like this. that’s y i’m writing it down so tat my memory wil hav spaces for coming event.
last thurs we hav decided to take on the ambang kemerdekaan performance. the decision is make by the team n not by myself of cuz. each of us start to know the importance of this performance by themselves even i do not spoke it out. a meeting for held for it. initially it was plan to held at 11pm. but then at last it was onli held at 12 plus bcuz of the stupid firedrill. haha. who wants this kind of thing happen. i bet no1. but sumtimes it happen n we got no choice n accept it. n for sum reasons which r not acceptable r "huh?! u guys stil ther? i tot it start oledi? oooppsss. i’m outside ‘yam cha-ing’" haha. shit. i’m talking nonsense again. i know it wil b a harsh week again to every1. each of us hav few tests tat week, many assignments to pass up, lab report n other activities. who in the team do not have this prob. so pls la. if other can, y cant we? haha. that’s r the undergraduate of university of malaya. such a veri wrong concepti know but this is the most practical way. each of us need to grow up. every1 ganbate. i blieve in each of us can do it. hope our relationship which has been built over the whole year is not for display. hav faith in u guys =)
sleep few hours cuz got class early in the morning. then back to college to discuss the pd trip. haha. not forgetting going out to buy cake for my roommate plus teammate. thanks sue rose for the transport =) at nite, 1st training for the junior team. worried abt it actuali. me myself alone oso cannot handle oledi den hv to teach 30 juniors. joking meh. haha. pass it to the coach group. they plan it and handle it tat nite with all the remaining 2nd year as support team. haha. i hav to say well done n thanks. i like it. 1st time moving 27 drums so fast. shocked at that moment. wondering wat happen. onli need to carry 2 rounds compare to usual 3 rounds (sumtimes need to move 10 plus drums oso need to carry 3 times -_-) haha. then onli start to warm up. hehe. suppose to b handle by me n remmie but in the end take over by shuyin as she know the more proper way to warm up which include the correct way in breathing which is veri important. then come to session of arranging the drum n masuk baris n keluar baris. the person incharge no other than shishi. haha. stil funny as usual >_< then theory by sue rose n  热身谱 by errrr. errrrr. shit forget tim. sorry ya. it’s wat happen a weeks ago. haha. faham faham la. so happy tat nite. can c the passion n enthusiams from the junior. haha.at last they can do wat they wan when they come to tis team after a month. sorry guys, onli a month den u r allowed to play drum. but hope u u understand y we choose to do so. haha. then the training almost came to its end, the clock showing 11.30. suerose ask "hav u take the cake from the mini store?". "oh shit!" i shouted with my body half in the air. haha.. memalukan saja in front of the junior. 12.30am those who want to go yam cha has gather in foyer a. shit. i’m late. too concentrate in discussing the performance wif adi. found out onli 2 of us havnt bath. haha.. smell in the air. =P another prob arose. fifth coll cafe closed. huh? how come. celaka. we here got 25 ppl wan to go yam cha n den it tell me tat it closed. damn it. no choice. hav to go outside. asking around who got transport. borrow motor n helmet here n there. haha. at last wif 2 cars n 5 motors, 25 of us going to murni. nice yamcha-ing plus celebrating birthday until 3 plus. nice nite. hope every1 do enjoy it.
sleep at 4. too tired, wake up and saw the clock show 12 oledi. shit. quickly go bath den meet wif esther, shuyin n remmie. den take a cab to midvalley to shop things for pd trip. haha. bcum reali ‘aunty". hv to compare price of each item b4 buying. even the diff is onli 10cents. haha. but tat’s good. now onli i notice me "eat rice dunno how exp is rice". =P 1st time do shopping for 4 hours. omg. break my records. luckily suerose coming wif her car since we r oledi to trainning at nite. lolz. at usual. training for the performance until 1 plus tat nite n den plus briefing for the trip which is in the following day until 2. yea~ another day come to it’s end.
shit. my alarm keeps ringing at 7.30am. hav set 3 alarms for this moment. know myself cannot wake up 1. unwillingly get up from my bed knowing tat hav to go buy things for dinner for every1. go to remmie rooms. c him stil on his bed. haha. understand geh. too tired every1 this few days. haha. once again suerose hav to come out wif her car. 3 of us stil in the sleepy mood going to midvalley. haha. arrive there, 1st thing - chicken wing!!! once again bcum aunty. 2 guys chooosing 80 chicken wings wif another gal holding her phone to shoot wat we r doing. i prefer to b the other way round la. haha. 9 plus: hurried go back cuz hav to gather at 10. reach my room, shit, i havnt pack anything to go trip. jz throw few clothes in my bag then ciaoz oledi. in the end, din bring all toiletries n hav to borrow from others. reach foyer d, check everything, leave the last prob -ice. go to cafe, they r not selling any. so me wif adi carrying an empty pail going to 2nd by scooter. lolz. of cuz we r not going there to buy but ’steal’. reach there; shit, we r wearing 12th cc orange tshirt. every1 can recognize us tat we r not from 2nd. alar. dun care la. jz go in onli to find out thaat the ice machine is out of order. fuck. how come this happen. bus coming at 11 n now oeldi 10 plus. quickly go to 1st (no) den at last 3rd. shit. 3rd ice machine is at the cafe which has to pass thru the open office. dun care la. go in den found out nobody is in the cafe. saw the machine at the other corner. walking slowly wif the heart pounding heavier n heavier; open the cover; omg. whole machine full wif ice. stil waiting?? hell no. two of us like crazy trying to fill our empty pail wif ice. iniitially we r using the cup then we found out it’s damn slow. alternate ways??? our hand!!! haha… 2 of us lolz like crazy trying to sapu the ice wif our hands into the empty pail. mission accomplish. den hav to figure how to carry the ice out. try back door; not open. shit. dun care la. go main dooor, pass thru the office n den met the officer. i say omg this time. phew. the officer smiled when he saw us. lolz. guess wat~ we runnning towards the scooter n leave. haha. back to coll n wait for the bus to arrive. my trip started. hehe =D 阳光与海滩我来啦。<<<to b continued>>>

slowly and slowly i understand y she keep on saying i m childish. tot myself r mature and capable enuf to solve any prob but at the end nothing is solved due to inability and lack of knowledge. laziness makes me tink everything in the simplest way and ignorance makes unaware of the consequences of my decision. the result is no other than NATO ( no action talk onli)

3 weeks hav passed since new sems start. diff from last sem, i hav quit all my activities except gudui. the passion for drum plus the bond between teammates make me hungried for more time to be in drum team. start from preparation for cc orientation, the performance day, interview junior, selecting junior list until dealing for performance, this few process altough it;s sounds simple but then deep inside it’s reali tiring. but then i obtain sumthing more valuable. the bond between teammate bcum stronger and the heart of each teammate is returning back to the team. the law of equivalent stil rules. when u lose sumthing, u wil get sumthing in return

frankly speaking i am neither a capable leader nor like to do tat job. i jz hav a simple mindset tat i hope every1 can play drum happilly together. tat’s y i m doing wat i m doing now. but things arent as simple as i tot of. a new unseenable scar is placing himself on my forehead for every wall tat i hit. it’s pain of cuz. but then outcome is a nice pattern of scars on my forehead. at that time i know it;s worth it.

alive - how can we define this word. can we consider ourselves alive just because we can move, eat or talk? or are we alive because we can found ourselves in others memory? living for the past 20 years yet hardly remember back what has happened. glad to found out myself is a part of others memories just to ensure i hav been alive for the past 20years =P.. struggling hard to collect all those past pieces back together slowly and working hard today to create new pieces in others to be collected in future =)

when u find out everything is clear, that’s the time you start to confuse again..

F**K!
found myself changing slowly..
i wan the ‘old’ me… bring it back to me pls~.. sobz sobz…

argh!! suddenly wanna get away from this place for a while for a holiday. Many things happened recently and have made me quite worn out. Tremendous ups and downs happen too fast. Recently having quite a mixture of feeling all together at the same time -  Happy, exciting, cheerful, tiring, sad, angry, disappointed, encouraging. Reali hard to handle them some time. See so many things and experience the process plus the meaning behind them oso. But somehow dun reali understand them. It makes me keeps on thinking and thinking. Mayb i shud not think abt them n jz carry on. But one thing for sure, this process makes me understand myself more. Changes occur slowly. I kinda hate this word recently - "responsibility". The meaning behind this word is too heavy and makes me almost suffocate. But i know i cant hide away but face it. Haha..  "although u din done a good job but at least now u understand n learn something. your journey has jz started. ganbate loka " Sigh. Have done something that against my principle. Reali sad and disappointed about it as i reali hate to do that. There are times that i cant even forgive myself but luckily it’s over. Now onli i fully understand this phrase :  "情义两难全". I hav break my promise that i hav make. in the other way, i can say that i hav betray them. but sorry, i hav to do it this time bcuz ther something veri important to me that i hav to take care. mayb i m too selfish and mayb my decision is wrong. i dunno and onli time can prove it. Realizes tat relationship between people is such a veri abstract thing. it cant neither b explained nor proved by any law of physics or any chemistry reaction. It cant oso b guaranteed by anything o anyone. A mask o even several is on everyone face including myself. so tired abt that. y cant we show our real feeling. is it reali hard to do so? hehe. but 1 thing for sure again. i m a lucky guy. cuz at least i know there is stil a family and a bunch of frens that owez ready to support and help me out whenever i need them =)

since the first time when my coursemate and i start playing dota until the sun come out only we go to sleep, it has become the daily routine for me for around 2 months time. first we are training for the competition organised by the engineering society, but who knows even the competition has past, we stil keep on with this even during the exam time. we only slept when sun comes out (sumtimes even until 10 in the morning) and then woke up in the evening and then continues playing. 3 meals at specific time a day seems going further and further away from me as days go on. slowly and slowly this become a habit for me. for some reasons, i know i cannot keep this lifestyle going on anymore. try my best to quit dota since last week and then try to slowly and slowly go back to sleep earlier, but who knows, it doesnt work. i cant sleep at all before i can see the sun rise. sigh.

so fast time passes. 2 weeks oledi at here. everyday time passes without my knowledge. stil remember the 1st day arrive here, alone with no frens at this uni. now i can say i hav a bunch of frens to play along. haha. god treat me not bad ar. things happened around this 2 weeks reali hard to forget. the 1st week is the orientation week. this week is the most challengable week for me. i m those who likes to sleep. but then during the orientation week, we only have 2 or 3 hours daily to sleep. never thought before that me those who owez sleep more than 10 hours a day able to do that. of cuz whenever the time we are allowed to sit down ( the time we r listening to talk n scolded by the oc), i wil quickly fall asleep there. orientation at here was actually very boring. but then there is 1 thing that make it totally different. it’s the sub (cheers). never thought that it can be such a powerful thing. will never forget the times when we were competing subs with other colleges. the situation is damn cool. few thousands people there shouting the cheers. i bet if any1 who see it will never forget it. furthermore everynight (11around when we go back to our own college, there are few hundred people outside our college there just to sub us. nothing different from demonstration that we can see from the television. you can see there are a few police officer around that time. and then on the last day we are not allowed to sleep cuz there is an activity waiting for us, only my college. it’s called kembara malam which is like station games. it’s only start at 3 in the morning. haha. the most exciting part is at the end of the game, all of us have to go into the only pool in our college which the oc tell us that there is biawak inside. lolz. when the time my group get into the pool it’s oledi 5. after that we are allowed to take bath den gather back at the hall. all are very refresh and excited after that activity until the time when the president of the college gave his speech. haha. the whole hall fall asleep.

after come to here, i can feel that there are several changes inside myself. never thought that i wil be that brave to do sumthing like that. it’s far more advance than what i did last time. sorry cuz i cant say what is it here becuz it involve others inside. no matter what the result, wil never regret. that’s my simple belief that keeps me moving forward